A Note From My Mother

It seems lately I have heard several times how blessed I am how to have the parents I do.  I will admit that I took them for granted for many years, particularly my mother.  It took having babies myself for me to appreciate the pain, joy, and sacrifices she had experienced being my mother.  

As we were packing up our stuff to head to Northwest Arkansas to stay with my parents until we go to Houston later this month, I found this note she sent me before I had Drew.  

You are ready to pack your bag for the trip to the hospital.  One of the things I remember  about the day you were born involves a flat, glass marble your brother gave me on our trip to the hospital in Fayetteville.  He knew I was hurting and he leaned over the seat and gave me a blue marble to hold on to so it wouldn’t hurt so much.  I don’t have a blue marble to stick in your bag, but I do have this cross I wish you to take.  After all, all we say and do is about the cross and the one who suffered pain for us so we could be blessed.  He is with you in a way I can’t be. Hold tight to him. 

Love and Prayers, Mom

As a soon to be first time mother, I was naive to what was ahead and thought that I was big enough to handle having a baby on my own.  We lived in Florida and had pretty much told our parents that they could just come after Drew was born.  

In her wisdom as a mother, she came anyway.  I went into labor early and ended up having a c-section.  She flew to Florida the day we came home from the hospital. I have never been so happy to see my mother.  Since that day, our relationship has changed in a way that I never imagined.  Each night that I am up at 2 am with a sick little boy, each day that I am privileged to hear little boy giggles, and each afternoon that I feel like I am losing my temper, our relationship gets a little stronger because I get it.  I see the sacrifice and the hardship that comes with being a mother but I also see the extreme joy and happiness as well.

Mom holding Drew for the first time

Thanks Mom.  For loving me through the little years and then the years when I thought I could do it without you.  For pointing me to Jesus as a child and now as a mother of children. You are simply the best and I am grateful God gave you to me.

Love, Lindsay

12:30 PM

Learning to Crawl

It has been a long week around here.  I told a friend on the phone this morning that I am pretty sure this has been the most difficult week I have experienced since Brooks was born.

Getting ready to go

It was our first week back in our routine after a few weeks of craziness which definitely had something to do with it, but my sweet Brooks just had a rough week.  The little man is working on 4 teeth, but most of all he is trying so hard to crawl.  

 

I have seen him push up from his belly a few times and he has mastered going from sitting to all fours, but just can’t get going from there.  

He has figured out how to get both legs under himself but...

He falls to his belly :(

And this is how he usually ends up ... sweet baby!

He wants to pull up on EVERYTHING but isn’t quite stable when he gets up.  He is frustrated and ready to move on his own.  

Doesn't he look proud??

With both of my boys, I have noticed that right before they reach big milestones like sitting up, crawling, or walking, they experience times of frustration.  I can relate to their frustration.  It seems that I experience similar emotions as I face milestones in the process of sanctification.  Whether it is conviction of sin that I must rid my life of or learning and understanding a spiritual truth on a deeper level, the learning times are hard.  Often we can see a glimpse of what is ahead, yet we just can’t get there.  But the Lord is a gracious father who is patient with us and walks us through these times.  Just as Brooks will learn to crawl, if I preserve in the times of learning, I too will learn and overcome the sin or grasp the truth.

"However, I consider my life worth nothing to me, if only I may finish the race and complete the task the Lord Jesus has given me ... the task of testifying to the gospel of God's grace." Acts 20:24

3:06 PM

Just because those legs are too chubby and cute not to post. :)

10:53 AM

We interrupt this Advent Season to bring you ... pneumonia. Praying big brother is well soon!

This and That

-We had a wonderful Thanksgiving in Arkansas filled with lots of family time.  It was the first time we had been in Arkansas for Thanksgiving since before D was born. I was able to spend Thursday helping my mom and her mom prepare a meal.  I am so blessed to have both of those women in my life.  

My Maw Maw's dumplings.  I learned after I got married that most people don't have dumplings at Thanksgiving.  Dressing without dumplings??? They are missing out! 

Pumpkin Pies

We also were able to spend time with my brother and his family on Friday and Saturday.  D loves his time with his cousins and I love watching them together. 

B did not get neglected. :)  He received plenty of attention.

-I have been reading the Femina blog for a while.  I love the way the posts encourage and challenge me to rise up and be the wife and mother God has equipped me to be.  Today’s post was timely for me.  I hope you enjoy it as well.

-December is going to be a little different for Rubies and Rewards.  I will start a series called “25 Days of Christmas.”  Each day I will post an idea for focusing the holiday season on Christ or a reflection of some aspect of the Christmas season.  The ideas aren’t time consuming or costly and I hope you can implement some of them in your family celebration this year. I would also love to share some of the things you do with your families during this holiday season.  Send me a picture and will share your ideas for focusing the season on Christ with Rubies and Rewards.

-D is at Mother’s Morning Out and B is napping, so I am going to turn this computer off and finish the Christmas decorating.  Happy Tuesday friends!

5:37 PM

Green Bean Goodness

Lessons From a Week at Disney World

• Trying to teach an almost 3 year old to wait in a line for 40 minutes to ride Dumbo is impossible and can stretch the limits of anyone’s patience! “Stand up!” “Keep your hands off the chains.”  “It will be our turn in a minute.” Those are just a few of the MANY things I repeated during our wait.  He throughly enjoyed it and his laughter was priceless, even if the ride only lasted 3 minutes.

Riding Dumbo with my little man

• Baby Care Stations are AMAZING.  I ran across the Baby Care Station at Magic Kingdom and I am not sure that I could have survived our trip without them!  I was able to feed and change little man and even washed bottles at the station.  

• Grammy’s are essential to a satisfying Disney experience.  They hold babies, take little boys to the potty, get bottles ready, and just enjoy watching the joy on your kids faces as much as you do.  Don’t do Disney without one. :)

Grammy with her boys

• From backscratchers to measuring spoons, if you want to bring home a Mickey Mouse souvenir, you can find it.

• You learn something new every trip you take to Disney.  This time we discovered that character breakfasts may be a little pricey but they get you in the park before the big rush.  We also discovered that you can get a Fast Pass at Magic Kingdom to see Mickey, Minnie, and a few of the princesses. Fast Passes are amazing and minimize the stress of waiting in line!

• You can understand couples arguing at Disney even in a different language.  I may not have understand the actual words but I understood the emotions!  When you have small  kids and it is hot and you have spent 6 hours at the park, it is easy to get frustrated!  We walked past a couple at the Magic Kingdom late in the afternoon who were having a heated conversation in Spanish while looking at their map.  Their children were crying in the stroller.  It was hot and late in the day.  No translation needed.

Drew was fascinated with the park maps. :)

• Trips like this are lessons in how to turn lemons into lemonade, especially for this planner personality.  I feel like I experienced a “Growth Moment” several times on this trip when our plan didn’t quite work out as we had expected.  Instead of letting it stress me out completely, I was able to adjust adjust and move on.  Wow, that is so much easier than my normal response.  I am pretty sure my hubby would say the same thing!

We really did have a great time.  I will probably have another post to do after our 12 hour car ride home with two boys who are very tired!

Lessons In The Wait: Longing To Be A Mother

Although I never personally struggled with infertility (at least not so far), I do have several close friends and family that have faced this difficult battle.  I have watched both of these ladies that are sharing with us today walk through this difficult season.  I know you will be encouraged by them as much as I have been!

Amy and her husband struggled with infertility for almost 4 years.  After repeated treatments and no diagnosed reason for their inability to conceive, they began the adoption process.  In August of this year, they received the call they had been waiting on for almost a year.  Their precious son is 2 months old. 

Kathy and her husband dealt with infertility for almost 20 years.  During those years she was able to share in the lives of her 9 nieces and nephews and the numerous children she taught.  After several different treatments, they chose to pursue adoption.  They welcomed two brothers into their home in 1999.  This year, the oldest will graduate from high school.

Amy and her husband, Donnie, with their
son.

What is the greatest lesson you have learned as you waited on God to answer your desire to be a mother?

Amy: The greatest lesson that I have learned from waiting is that God is always in control. He is always faithful to meet all of our needs right when we need Him.

Kathy: The greatest lesson I learned is that God is in control, not me!! He has an ultimate plan for my life and His timing is perfect! I know that may sound simple, but I truly believe many Christians try to live their life without truly getting hold of this truth.

What do you wish that would have known now that you have a child/children?

Amy: How fast time flies when you are with them. I kind of knew that time would fly by, but man I can't believe that he is almost 2 months old. 

Kathy: That it's not as easy as you may think from the outside looking in. I could be critical of parents before I became one, thinking I had better ideas of how to handle children. After all I'd worked with a lot of children - I just didn't live with them and invest my heart in them as a parent does - didn't know the inner struggles. Teaching a child to follow God's truths is a lot easier than training them ~ they really do mimic what they see. 

Sometimes, people don't know what to say or how to pray for someone who is struggling with infertility. What would you suggest they say or how would you suggest they handle it?

Amy: Honestly, I would suggest that people just say that they are praying for God's will in the lives of their friends. That was more encouraging to me than anything. I also appreciated when people just listened to me and let me express my feelings at that particular moment. It did not help when people said that they understood what I was going through when they did not have infertility issues. It also didn’t help when people told me not to think about things (because that is pretty much impossible when you are going through infertility treatments), or even when they said that it just isn't the right time. I think that kind of sounds harsh for me to say because in my heart I knew that part.  We knew that God had a special timing for us, but hearing it over and over did not make things any easier.

Kathy: Offer a shoulder to cry on, an ear to listen, and sincerely praying with you - not just say 'I'm praying for you.' - do it together. I had so many say to me that 'when you quit focusing on it it'll happen'. Like Amy said that's pretty much impossible with infertility treatments ~ you are having to track so many things! Don't shy away from me because you have children. Be sensitive, but trying to spare my feelings by shying away from me hurts - we love being around and with children. Their faces are our proof God answers prayers. 

Kathy with her husband, Steve, and her boys, Kyle and Dallas

What is a scripture you clung to?

Amy: 1 Thessalonians 5: 16-18 - “Be joyful always; pray continually; give thanks in all circumstances; for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus.”   It is also the life verse we have chosen for our son and it hangs in his room as a reminder.

Kathy: When teaching in a Christian school our class was to memorize Psalm 34:8-19, and Steve and I were struggling to understand God's will in this area. These verses soothe my soul even today. Especially verses, 8, 15, 17, 18. Even though at the time we didn't memorize it, verse 1 of that chapter was also a blessing/challenge.

 8 Taste and see that the LORD is good; 

   blessed is the one who takes refuge in him. 

9 Fear the LORD, you his holy people, 

   for those who fear him lack nothing. 

10 The lions may grow weak and hungry, 

   but those who seek the LORD lack no good thing. 

11 Come, my children, listen to me; 

   I will teach you the fear of the LORD. 

12 Whoever of you loves life 

   and desires to see many good days, 

13 keep your tongue from evil 

   and your lips from telling lies. 

14 Turn from evil and do good; 

   seek peace and pursue it.

 15 The eyes of the LORD are on the righteous, 

   and his ears are attentive to their cry; 

16 but the face of the LORD is against those who do evil, 

   to blot out their name from the earth.

 17 The righteous cry out, and the LORD hears them; 

   he delivers them from all their troubles. 

18 The LORD is close to the brokenhearted 

   and saves those who are crushed in spirit.

 19 The righteous person may have many troubles, 

   but the LORD delivers him from them all. Psalm 34:8-19

I thought I wold finish up with a statement that Kathy made as we were putting this together.

Looking into the eyes of your child ~ whether God gave them to you biologically or through adoption ~ and hearing and saying' I love you' is such a privilege. 

If you have struggled with infertility, how did God encourage you through the process?

9:33 AM

One boy is ready for the Disney Junior show ... the other is down for the count. 

1:16 PM

Brooks meets Minnie Mouse.

4:16 PM

This picture is not for those that have weak stomachs!  This is the life of a momma. :)

October 12, 2010

Ultrasound photos from different stages of the pregnancy

One year ago today, Hal and I were filled with a crazy mix of emotions. Overjoyed that we heard one steady, strong heartbeat. Devastated that the other heartbeat was missing. After trying to get pregnant for several months, we were understandably thrilled to have a positive pregnancy test. I started having some spotting, so my doctor saw me for the first appointment earlier than usual. 


They did the normal first appointment sonogram. The tech quickly found a heartbeat and said that while it was a little slow, it was normal for the stage I was at. We were both so relieved, and I felt like I was finally taking a breath for the first time since the ultrasound started. The tech then said, "It looks like there is something else here." She had found another heartbeat! I think Hal stopped breathing at this point. :) She told us that the second baby was a little smaller, and the heart rate was slower, as well. She printed pictures for us, and then we waited to see the doctor. The doctor congratulated us and said that the smaller sac around Baby B could be an ominous sign, or it could be fine. She wanted to bring us back in a week for another ultrasound.


We left the office excited, scared, shocked, and thrilled all at the same time. We shared the news with family and a few close friends and asked them to pray. It was a great week of excitement around our house! My grandmother, who was a twin, had passed away earlier last summer. For as long as I can remember, she had made comments about Lindsay having twins and having to stick around until Lindsay had the twins. It was so special for me to be carrying twins for that reason and for so many others. 

We went back for the second appointment on October 12th. I remember lying on the table, holding Hal’s hand and feeling scared. In a calm voice, she told us that Baby A looked strong and healthy, but that she was not able to find a second heartbeat. We then saw the doctor who assured us that Baby A looked great and that my body would naturally absorb and take care of Baby B. 


We left the office that day not sure of how we felt at all. Such extreme joy that I was carrying a healthy baby but such sadness and grief that we had lost Baby B. The next few days were much of the same. Just not sure what to feel. That Thursday I went to BSF (Bible Study Fellowship) where we were studying Isaiah 6 that week. In this passage, Isaiah had the vision of the LORD and he was face-to-face with God's holiness. In the opening that morning we sang two songs: “Holy, Holy, Holy” and “Immortal, Invisible.” I couldn't hold back the tears as I sang those songs. The verses in “Immortal, Invisible” seemed to just heal my soul.

Immortal, invisible, God only wise,

In light inaccessible hid from our eyes,

Most blessèd, most glorious, the Ancient of Days,

Almighty, victorious, Thy great Name we praise.

Unresting, unhasting, and silent as light,

Nor wanting, nor wasting, Thou rulest in might;

Thy justice, like mountains, high soaring above

Thy clouds, which are fountains of goodness and love.

To all, life Thou givest, to both great and small;

In all life Thou livest, the true life of all;

We blossom and flourish as leaves on the tree,

And wither and perish—but naught changeth Thee.

Great Father of glory, pure Father of light,

Thine angels adore Thee, all veiling their sight;

All laud we would render; O help us to see

’Tis only the splendor of light hideth Thee,

It was one of those moments where I knew that if I claimed to have a relationship with Jesus and I believe that God is holy, the sovereign Creator, then I had to bow and trust Him fully. I walked out of the sanctuary that day still sad but with the peace of knowing that even in my sadness and loss, I could trust the LORD Almighty. That His way and His plan were perfect and complete.

On May 9, 2011, we were blessed with the birth of a healthy baby boy. I honestly didn’t think of the baby we had lost until later when I was alone in the hospital room with precious baby boy. I held him a little closer and thanked the Lord for the life He had given us. In his room, we have a canvas that hangs over his bed with his life verse written out on it. Above that canvas is a smaller one, with Isaiah 6:3 written on it, “Holy, holy, holy is the LORD Almighty ... ” One day, we will tell him about his twin, but my prayer is that we tell him about the LORD Almighty every day.

12:55 PM

What are strollers good for?  Carrying pumpkins not babies!

5:47 PM

Time to dust off the mini-chopper and get back to making baby food again.  Can't believe B is old enough to be eating solid food!

Beauty for Ashes

Two of my best friends brought home babies this past week.  At the stage of life I am in having a friend bring home a baby is a regular event, but there was something extra special about both of these babies coming home to their families.  One sweet girl (who happens to be betrothed to B) came home with her parents almost exactly a year after her momma went through a miscarriage.  One sweet boy was carried through the door of his parents home after 3 years of infertility and almost a year of working on adoption paperwork and waiting to get the phone call that a family had chosen them.  

I have thought a lot about these babies and their mommas over the last week.  Both of these women went through battles and struggles before bringing their new little ones home.  I was challenged to grow stronger in my relationship with the Lord as I watched them.  Perhaps the thing that sticks out most in my mind is how honest they both were through their grieving process; one grieving the loss of a specific child and the other grieving the loss of the inability to have a child.  They didn’t try to put on a “spiritual happy face” and pretend that they felt something they didn’t.  They were honest about their hurt and honest that they didn’t necessarily understand why God had chosen this particular path, but yet they both in their own ways showed a complete trust in who God is.  They were unwavering in their resolve that God was in control.  I guess that is what having a true relationship with Jesus Christ is about.  He wants us to be honest.  He wants us to pour out our hurt, our fear, and our disappointment, but it can’t stop there.  We have to give it to Him to handle and watch Him change us, refine us in the process.  And in the middle of all of it we have to know and hang on to who we know God to be: sovereign, all wise, all knowing, loving, and kind.

“a crown of beauty instead of ashes.” Isaiah 61:3