The Emotions of a Miscarriage

Several weeks ago I shared that during my last pregnancy, I was carrying twins, but lost one baby early in the pregnancy.  Miscarriage like any loss is hard, and often we don’t know how to respond whether we are the one who lost a child or if someone we are close with lost a child.  A couple of months before we lost one of the babies, my good friend Kim lost a baby.  Today she shares a little of her experience and offers suggestions on how to handle the emotions you experience after a miscarriage as well as ways to respond to someone who has lost a baby.

Kim and her husband, Nate, live in Corsicana, Texas, with their twin 3 year old boys and 3 month old Caroline.  Kim blogs at Chasing the Wind.

What emotions did you experience when you realized you had miscarried?

A miscarriage is very multi dimensional.  I remember feeling saddened with the loss of a dream. I had plans for the baby.  I had spent time thinking about how I would decorate the nursery and what names we might chose. It was a weird loss in that I had never met the baby, but I knew the baby.  I also felt in some way responsible.  That maybe I had done something to cause the miscarriage. I had to recognize God's sovereignty and rest in the knowledge that I had not caused anything to happen.  I also remember feeling guilty that my husband, Nate, would never meet the baby. 

What advice would you give someone who just lost a baby through miscarriage?

Talk to someone:  What is so weird about having one is that you have a child that people will never know about.  It will be worse not talking about it than finding someone who has been through it.

Right Expectations: Don't expect your husband to grieve the same way.  They will be sad, but they will move on faster than you.  Don't take it personally or feel that he didn't want the baby.  He just will handle it differently than you.

Don’t be Afraid to Smile: Nate's biggest gift to me was when he told me to "feel what you feel when you feel it."  He encouraged me to cry when I needed to and to be happy if I wanted to, but not to put any expectations on myself as to how I should feel.  I was worried that if I wasn't crying all the time that it meant in some way I wasn't sad, but I had two 2 year old boys at home with me and it was okay if I wanted to laugh with them as they danced in the living room floor or smile when I saw them playing together.  I also struggled with feeling guilty when I cried because somehow it reflected that I didn't trust God's decision, but Nate encouraged me just to acknowledge the emotions I was feeling and to really deal with them properly.  It was okay to be sad and acknowledge the loss and it didn’t mean that I didn’t trust who God is.

Honor the Life:  Nate gave me a Pandora charm.  I have a good friend who lost a baby at 6 weeks.  The baby was the size of a poppy seed, so she and her husband bought a painting of poppies to hang in their house.  Find something that is memorable to you and your family so that you will remember the baby.

How do you respond to a friend who has lost a baby through miscarriage?

Give them time: As a friend you need to recognize that it is not a simple loss (not that any loss is simple) but that there will be more going on in the heart and mind of the person than they may realize at first.  

Recognize it is a loss: Miscarriage can be awkward.  You know the baby, but you never met the baby and most people will never know you lost a child, but that doesn’t mean that the mother isn’t experiencing grief and loss.

Follow their lead:  As with any loss people will respond differently.  Make sure you are available but don't push if they don't want to talk about it and on the other end, don't rush them in their grieving process.  This is a loss, this is a death, allow the other person to grieve how they need to.

A note from Lindsay:

I love the way Kim was able to express the feelings she experienced.  I too experienced some of the same feelings, but my experience with losing a baby was a little different in that I lost one of two babies. I only wanted to add that if you know someone that experiences a similar loss, allow them to grieve the loss of one child.  I can’t tell you the number of people who made some comment like: “At least you still have one baby.”  Yes, that was a true statement, but in many ways, I feel like I never was able to grieve the loss of Baby B because it was just expected that I would be joyful because I was still carrying a child. 

Meet My Friends: Erin "What Should I Be Doing?"

Hal and I have moved several times since we have been married. We have loved experiencing new places, but far the best thing about the moves we have made is meeting amazing people. I met Erin while we were living in Florida. She is one of the most encouraging people I have ever meet.  I love that her post below she mentions to have a pleasant countenance because that is one thing I will always remember about Erin.  You just want to smile when you see her because she radiates JOY!  A few weeks ago she wrote a post about how as stay at home wives and mothers we feel like we have to explain what we do on a daily basis. She is following up that post with a guest post today answering the question "What Do I Do?" with "What Should I Be Doing?"


Erin is a pastor's wife, mother of a sweet girl, teacher, and coach. She loves to run, study God's Word, and spend time with family and friends. She blogs at Rainer Adventures.


What Should I Be Doing?

A few weeks ago I wrote a blog on finding my identity and validation in Christ instead of a paying job. Instead of answering the question “What do I do?” I realized the question that should be asked is “What should I be doing?”

Thankfully, God’s word always has an answer. Some of the things that I should be doing are:

 “Pray without ceasing” 1 Thessalonians 5:17

o   I read about a friendly reminder to pray for our husbands here.

o   My favorite resource to pray for my child is the 31 Biblical Virtues to Pray for your Kids.

o   In a recent conference I’ve been listening to a cd on which the speaker talked about praying for the individuals who gave you certain gifts or your family when you are folding their clothing. When you see those items, say a little prayer for them.

-          “Rejoice always… give thanks in everything” 1 Thessalonians 5:16/18

o   Having a joyful countenance goes along way. It draws others near to you.

o   You are much more appreciative of the things you have.

o   Your days are just better when you are happy and thankful.

-          “Search for the Lord and for His strength; seek His face always”  1 Chronicles 16:11

o   Spend time with God everyday! This time is not meant to be a burden but a time of refreshment. We should spend time with God first out of obedience, knowing that the desire and delight in God’s Word will come when we are faithful.

-          “Pursue peace with everyone, and holiness- without it no one will see the Lord”   Hebrews 12:14

o   When I drive, grocery shop (yes, even in Walmart!), etc. I should be pursuing peace. Because of my impatience I don’t always do the best job, but God tells us patience is one of the fruits He has given us (Galatians 5:22)

This list is not all-inclusive, but these verses have given me a great starting point and have been good verses to commit to memory. I love how God has given us His Word to direct us in every situation.

Meet My Friends: Heather Richmond, RD

Recently I made a frantic phone call to Heather (along with a frantic Facebook and Twitter message).  We were in a diet crisis! She graciously spent almost an hour on the phone with me talking me off of the "I can't keep doing this diet cliff." We met Heather and her husband Jordan while we were living in Florida. I attribute Drew's willingness to eat all kinds of fruits and veggies to Heather helping me get him off on the right start!  The Richmonds now live in Murray, KY where Jordan is a Worship Pastor and an up and coming artist. Heather is at home with her boys, Kal, Rees, and Baby #3 on the way as well as working as a Dietician.  Heather blogs at A Transparent Dietician.

Jordan, Heather, Kal, and Rees

Ever seen this commercial?



NutriGrain Bars, my favorite *insert eye roll here*. Great concept, great marketing, wrong breakfast choice. Yes, starting your day with whole grains and fruit is a great breakfast, but I’d hardly classify NutriGrain bars as a substantial source of whole grain and “jelly” as a fruit. I digress… 

Experience has taught me, that there are certain things I HAVE to get into my morning routine to keep me making healthy decisions throughout the day. There are also triggers that make me want to throw the whole day out the window, commit sodium suicide or eat my weight in Oreos – a food I don’t even particularly enjoy, but keep in the house for my husband’s sanity (it’s not easy living with a Dietitian). My routine has had to change a little with the incorporation of babies, and every day is a little different, but the fundamentals are still the same. 

1. Scripture. Okay… don’t stop here, its not a guilt trip and I won’t begin to claim that I’ve mastered this. What I am going to say is that although proper nutrition is a great foundation, Christ is first and foremost… AND lets face it, gluttony is a sin, food is an emotional thing, we eat out of stress, anxiety, boredom, anger, depression… starting the day with ANY form or length of scripture and asking for the Holy Spirit to help you make good choices will only help you in your health battle. Sometimes between making lunches while the kids are screaming as they rummage through the cupboards because I’m apparently dragging my feet at providing breakfast, the hubby asking if his favorite jeans are clean and the dog… well, we don’t have a dog – but you get the point. Amidst the chaos, reading my chalkboard scripture verse (Do I get “Beth Moore” points for the chalkboard scripture verse?), and taking a second to BEG the Holy Spirit to get me through the day without killing anyone, is all I can muster. My husband has an app on his iPhone that reads the bible aloud – he turns it on when he’s in the shower, and getting ready. Sometimes it’s making the commitment to read my Bible app on my phone before I check my twitter, facebook, email, linkedin or any other media. Don’t wait until later to “get your devos in,” the first time my butt hits a comfy chair at night, I’m gone! Do it in the morning and move on. If you can do more later, great! 

2. Breakfast. If you’re not a breakfast eater, become one. I could ramble off all the studies that have proven that folks who eat breakfast are more fit, burn more calories, learn and retain more academically… buuut, how bout’ you just trust me and do it?! Some common Richmond breakfast items are… Kashi’s Peanut Peanut bars, LARA bars, Cliff and Cliff Kids bars, Egg McMuffin, Peanut Butter and toast, PB and English muffin, PB and whole wheat waffle, PB and juuuuuust about anything (except for a bagel, too many calories, too much sugar first thing), plain greek yogurt with fruit, a baggie with whole wheat cereal and nuts… Lots of options, all “on the go.” Low sugar, with Protein, Fiber, Good Fat, 300 calories or less, done.


3. Sweat. Kind of like scripture reading, working up a sweat takes on many forms, it has to be a priority, it can be helpful in ANY amount and it needs to be in the morning/daytime, for most of us. Now, there are some who can go to the gym after work, or attend a nightly Zumba class etc, those are great. But if you’re signed up for the Zumba class and you haven’t been in 3 weeks, its time to change. There is no magic time you should work out. But if you can get that sweat going in the morning, you tend to make better decisions throughout the day. It gets those endorphins goin’ early. A natural stimulant and (if you're like me) its something else we get to check off the to-do list first thing! (its a little scary how much I enjoy that). It has less to do with calories burned, more to do with the mindset you establish. You can lose weight without ever lifting a barbell, or running a lap. But the proper mindset, entering your day, will do wonders. I have an elliptical. Whether its 15 minutes or 50 minutes, it is a MUST 5-6 days of the week. Its typically the first part of the boys’ naptime. Sometimes Kal comes in and colors or plays with Play-do while I’m on the “Lellipkical” as he calls it. If I have more time, I do more. We also have P90x DVDs and a chin up bar in the kitchen. It may be coming home at lunch and running around the block. Find what works and do it, consistently.

Putting some effort into your morning will help in making healthier decisions throughout the day. Try it!

Price Matching

Last month Alisha shared with us about being good stewards of the money God has given us.  She mentioned how she saves money each month by price matching.  Today she gives us a quick lesson on how to get started.

I am challenged often by the parable of the talents (Matthew 25:14-30) when it comes to both my time and money. This passage, as well as many others in the bible, speaks of being a wise steward; in fact, I’d say the defining characteristics of a “Wife of Noble Character” in Proverbs 31 are her stewardship and generosity. While there are no specific commands in the Bible about how to save money (and therefore not a right or wrong way to do it) I have found price matching to be one of the least time consuming and most profitable ways to buy and eat fresh produce without spending a lot of money.

Two key reasons price matching works so well based on where I live are that 1) we have Wal-Mart and 2) we have Aldi. While Aldi definitely has the best prices on just about everything, it isn’t always convenient for me to get there and they don’t always have everything I need in a particular week meaning I have to shop at multiple stores which can be hard with two young kids. 

This is where Wal-Mart’s ad-match policy comes in handy. You can find their policy here.  This policy states that Wal-Mart will price match fresh meat and produce when the product is offered as the same unit type (lb for lb; unit for unit.) The policy also states that you do not have to have the competitor’s ad with you (although I always have it on my mobile device to show the cashier in case they request it.) And of course, they price match non-perishable items as well.

So how does it work? I have signed up to have our local store’s ads automatically emailed to me so I receive the ads first thing Wednesday morning. I typically meal plan and make a grocery list every Friday, so between Wednesday and Friday I glance through the ads to see what is on sale and add things to my list that I know we’ll eat. (Next to each item I write PM and the price as a reminder to myself.) The front page of the ad usually has the “loss leaders” which are the items that are priced super low to get you in their store.

Then when I’m at the store, I simply buy the items on my list and when I go to checkout, I try to put the items I am price matching on the belt first and tell the cashier I have things I need to price match. They ask which items and what the price is, and they adjust the price as they ring each item up. It’s that simple!

So what did I price match this week? 

At Aldi, I price matched the following fruits that we used for breakfast and snacks this week.

Grapes- $.79/lb.

Bananas- $.44/lb.

Cantaloupe- $.99 each

Something to note is that peaches, nectarines and plums were all $.19 each, but I was not able to price match them, because Wal-Mart sells these by the lb, not individual units.

In recent weeks, pineapple were $.99 each, avocados $.29 each, 1 lb strawberries $.88, 4 lb bags of oranges $1.49 and 3 lb bags of apples $1.29 so we always have a good variety of fruit to eat. I’ve never tried to price match meat but know many who do; a few weeks ago fresh ground chuck was $1.88/lb at our local IGA store which was almost half the price of fresh ground chuck at Wal-Mart.

Have you tried to price match at your local stores?  Do you have any tips you can pass along?

Meet My Friends: Kick Off

Continuing with the football theme for the week, I wanted to share a new blog started by my friend Carrie.  Because my dad was in coaching and my brother is in coaching, I have a soft spot for the women who support the guys on the sidelines every Friday night.  Can you imagine if you husband put his livelihood in the hands of 16 year olds? :)  But they do it because they love the game and they love the boys.  Carrie is mom to two girls and a boy and wife to Jason, a head football coach.  She recently started blogging at Mission Gridiron.


Kick-off. Perhaps one of the most anticipated events in Mississippi.  Friday night under the lights.  Moms and dads, aunts and uncles, grandparents, cheerleaders, band members and people of the community gather in metal bleachers to watch 50 or 60 (22 at a time) highschool boys grind the turf for the "w" they have worked all summer to get.  And then it starts all over again the next week, for 10, 11, 12, 13, 14 or even 15 weeks for the lucky ones:).  To some, well most, that's about the jist of it.  But for you and I (assuming you are a coach's wife) that is just the tip of the iceburg.  There is a HUGE part of that iceburg that is only seen by us.  Ladies, we do play a part.  And our husbands DO need us.  We may not have a position labeled with an X or an O, but I guarantee you we are in the playbook.  So, what's our role?  Now, I know that some of you reading this are thinking, "well, the back burner is my place".  Not so! You and the children have so much to offer not only to your husband but to the team and community as well.  Join with me on this forever journey, whether your husband coaches football, baseball, basketball or any other sport.  We are in this together!


A prayer for you:
Lord, I ask that you reveal to us your purpose.  Help us to be the helper to our husbands, as You have called us to.  Help us to see your plan in what our husbands do.  You have put us here, with this team, at this school, for such a time as this.  Move in us and through us.  In Jesus name, Amen

Meet My Friends: Crawl into Your Father's Lap

Christi with daughters Mary-Allison and Mia

Today I am excited to be sharing a guest post from my friend Christi.  I am pretty sure I wouldn’t have made it through my first year of motherhood without her.  She graciously took all my panicked phone calls and calmed my first time mom jitters over everything from development to teething!  Christi is an amazing momma, talented writer and editor and blogs at Witty Words.

One morning I struggled to get out of bed. Well, to be honest, I struggle every single morning to get out of bed. I am certainly not a morning person—and probably will never be! My perfect morning would be to rise early, get an invigorating workout in, have a meaningful quiet time with God, shower, and emerge feeling energized for the day as my darling children wake up and run swiftly to greet me. Sounds likely, doesn’t it? HA! The reality is my alarm is set for that early, early hour—and then the snooze button is pushed for 20, 30, even 40 minutes! Then I drag myself out of bed, groaning about the disappointment in myself for not waking early to exercise and have quiet time yet again.

But this particular morning, I did wake up early enough to have quiet time. And boy, did I need it that day! My heart was heavy, and I needed to be filled from God’s Word. I settled myself on the couch and barely opened my Bible when I heard the creak of my daughter’s bedroom door. I sighed. Seriously? I just wanted one morning with God by myself. Couldn’t I just have that Lord, just this one time? I gritted my teeth, already upset with my innocent child.

“Hi, Mommy,” she said sleepily.         

“Mary-Allison, it’s awful early for you to be up. Why don’t you go back to bed?”

“What are you doing, Mommy?” she asked, rubbing the sleep from her eyes with her teddy bear.

“I was going to read my Bible, honey. But you really need to go back to bed.”

 “Mommy, I just want to be with you.”

Very gently, Mary-Allison climbed into my lap, laid her head on my chest, and said, “OK, Mommy, you can keep reading. I just want to be with you.”

 I breathed a prayer of thanks to God and squeezed my precious child, taking in the moment that I knew would be fleeting.        

God taught me on that early morning that this is what He says to us: I want to be with you. I want you to crawl into My lap and allow Me to be your Father, your Friend, and your Savior.

Won’t you crawl into your Father’s lap today?

Meet My Friends: Why be Frugal?

I mentioned in one of my early posts that I am so blessed to have an amazing group of women that I call friends. God has gifted each of them in different ways. I am excited to share them with you ... but only for a day! :)

I probably would define my friendship with Alisha as a “blog friendship.” Although she lives in my hometown, we have gotten to know each other through our blogs and Facebook. We have kiddos about the same age, so we have gone through similar experiences at the same time. Alisha is an awesome manager of her home. She often writes about recipes she is making or activities she does with her kiddos, but her ability to spend frugally and wisely in regard to groceries, home products, and personal products is a huge challenge to me. She blogs at “Save More—Give More,” where she mentions her goal of spending $200 a month on groceries and $0 a month on toiletries and household items. That’s right, I said $0!!! In this post, she is sharing why it is important for us to be frugal, and she will be sharing more tips and tricks in the months to come.

Why Be Frugal?

People have asked me why they should try to save money, especially if they’re in a place where they don’t need to save money. To me, the answer is because it isn’t their money to begin with. Consider what God says in Psalm 50:9-10: “I have no need of a bull from your stall or of goats from your pens, for every animal of the forest is mine, and the cattle on a thousand hills.”

Often times as Christians we think we’re suppose to give God 10% and then the remaining 90% is ours to spend as we please. This self-centered (and many times legalistic) mindset causes us to lobby, justify, and even fight over how the 90% is spent in our marriages. With over 2,300 verses in the Bible about money, it’s clear that God wants to be involved with 100% not just 10% of our money. God doesn’t need that 10%, just as the other 90% isn’t ours that we’ve earned and deserve.

Once we see ourselves as simply stewards of whatever amount God chooses to give us each month, we need to seek the Lord’s guidance on what He would have us do with that money and how we should spend it. We are given what we have to meet the needs of our families and the needs of others. When you consider that a mere $.25 can provide a meal for a child overseas (quite possibly the only meal they will get that day) or that $5 is considered a good daily salary for someone providing for their family in a third-world country, you quickly realize that the money we “waste” on seemingly little things isn’t such a small amount. All of a sudden, a candy bar at checkout is three meals in Uganda; and more practically, paying $2 for a pound of strawberries (instead of price matching for $.88) becomes four meals you can provide for someone else, all while giving your family the same item you had planned to.

When we think of our money as God’s money given to us to glorify God, we have an entirely new perspective on what we spend money on as well as how we buy the things we do. This is true for big items like housing and transportation, as well as the smallest things, like the above mentioned strawberries. Saving money changes from something only poor people do because they have to, to something we should all do as wise managers of our households as well as managers of the money God gives us.