Lessons In The Wait: Longing To Be A Mother

Although I never personally struggled with infertility (at least not so far), I do have several close friends and family that have faced this difficult battle.  I have watched both of these ladies that are sharing with us today walk through this difficult season.  I know you will be encouraged by them as much as I have been!

Amy and her husband struggled with infertility for almost 4 years.  After repeated treatments and no diagnosed reason for their inability to conceive, they began the adoption process.  In August of this year, they received the call they had been waiting on for almost a year.  Their precious son is 2 months old. 

Kathy and her husband dealt with infertility for almost 20 years.  During those years she was able to share in the lives of her 9 nieces and nephews and the numerous children she taught.  After several different treatments, they chose to pursue adoption.  They welcomed two brothers into their home in 1999.  This year, the oldest will graduate from high school.

Amy and her husband, Donnie, with their
son.

What is the greatest lesson you have learned as you waited on God to answer your desire to be a mother?

Amy: The greatest lesson that I have learned from waiting is that God is always in control. He is always faithful to meet all of our needs right when we need Him.

Kathy: The greatest lesson I learned is that God is in control, not me!! He has an ultimate plan for my life and His timing is perfect! I know that may sound simple, but I truly believe many Christians try to live their life without truly getting hold of this truth.

What do you wish that would have known now that you have a child/children?

Amy: How fast time flies when you are with them. I kind of knew that time would fly by, but man I can't believe that he is almost 2 months old. 

Kathy: That it's not as easy as you may think from the outside looking in. I could be critical of parents before I became one, thinking I had better ideas of how to handle children. After all I'd worked with a lot of children - I just didn't live with them and invest my heart in them as a parent does - didn't know the inner struggles. Teaching a child to follow God's truths is a lot easier than training them ~ they really do mimic what they see. 

Sometimes, people don't know what to say or how to pray for someone who is struggling with infertility. What would you suggest they say or how would you suggest they handle it?

Amy: Honestly, I would suggest that people just say that they are praying for God's will in the lives of their friends. That was more encouraging to me than anything. I also appreciated when people just listened to me and let me express my feelings at that particular moment. It did not help when people said that they understood what I was going through when they did not have infertility issues. It also didn’t help when people told me not to think about things (because that is pretty much impossible when you are going through infertility treatments), or even when they said that it just isn't the right time. I think that kind of sounds harsh for me to say because in my heart I knew that part.  We knew that God had a special timing for us, but hearing it over and over did not make things any easier.

Kathy: Offer a shoulder to cry on, an ear to listen, and sincerely praying with you - not just say 'I'm praying for you.' - do it together. I had so many say to me that 'when you quit focusing on it it'll happen'. Like Amy said that's pretty much impossible with infertility treatments ~ you are having to track so many things! Don't shy away from me because you have children. Be sensitive, but trying to spare my feelings by shying away from me hurts - we love being around and with children. Their faces are our proof God answers prayers. 

Kathy with her husband, Steve, and her boys, Kyle and Dallas

What is a scripture you clung to?

Amy: 1 Thessalonians 5: 16-18 - “Be joyful always; pray continually; give thanks in all circumstances; for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus.”   It is also the life verse we have chosen for our son and it hangs in his room as a reminder.

Kathy: When teaching in a Christian school our class was to memorize Psalm 34:8-19, and Steve and I were struggling to understand God's will in this area. These verses soothe my soul even today. Especially verses, 8, 15, 17, 18. Even though at the time we didn't memorize it, verse 1 of that chapter was also a blessing/challenge.

 8 Taste and see that the LORD is good; 

   blessed is the one who takes refuge in him. 

9 Fear the LORD, you his holy people, 

   for those who fear him lack nothing. 

10 The lions may grow weak and hungry, 

   but those who seek the LORD lack no good thing. 

11 Come, my children, listen to me; 

   I will teach you the fear of the LORD. 

12 Whoever of you loves life 

   and desires to see many good days, 

13 keep your tongue from evil 

   and your lips from telling lies. 

14 Turn from evil and do good; 

   seek peace and pursue it.

 15 The eyes of the LORD are on the righteous, 

   and his ears are attentive to their cry; 

16 but the face of the LORD is against those who do evil, 

   to blot out their name from the earth.

 17 The righteous cry out, and the LORD hears them; 

   he delivers them from all their troubles. 

18 The LORD is close to the brokenhearted 

   and saves those who are crushed in spirit.

 19 The righteous person may have many troubles, 

   but the LORD delivers him from them all. Psalm 34:8-19

I thought I wold finish up with a statement that Kathy made as we were putting this together.

Looking into the eyes of your child ~ whether God gave them to you biologically or through adoption ~ and hearing and saying' I love you' is such a privilege. 

If you have struggled with infertility, how did God encourage you through the process?