Lessons in The Wait ... Being Single When You Long to Be Married

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The bride’s dress was amazing.  The groom looked over the moon in love. The vows were heartfelt.  The flowers were gorgeous.  The cake was splendid sugary goodness. It was a beautiful wedding, but IT is inevitable.  What is IT?  IT is the dreaded bouquet toss.  The time when the relationship status of single girls is displayed for all to see like the bright lights of Vegas.  I know that scene all too well and totally boycotted the tradition at my own wedding!  Call me a party pooper, but I had been there, done that, one too many times!  It is one of many times when you are face to face with the fact that you are single but your heart longs to be married.  I was 24 (almost 25) when I married Hal.  The years between college and my marriage were refining years for me.  God taught me a lot about myself and even more about who He is.  I had intended to also give my responses to the questions below, but when I read the responses from Sarah, I decided you didn’t need to hear from me today.  

Sarah and her husband, Jay, live outside of Washington, DC where Jay works as a Naval officer currently stationed at the Pentagon.  She is a Razorback loving girl married to an Oklahoma Sooner.

Jay and Sarah

What was greatest lesson God taught you in The Wait?

There are many things that the Lord taught me while I was single and waiting!  I think the one that stands out most in my memory was learning about the character of God, specifically His goodness.  It was really a matter of Him asking me, "Do you believe that I am who I say that I am?  Do you believe that I am good, and all that I do is good?"  I learned from scripture that God is good and it is impossible for Him to be otherwise.  Resting in the truth of God's Word made it possible for me to trust God with the desires of my heart.  

What do you wish you had known now that you are married?

1.  How to cook, grocery shop, and menu plan

I survived off of Lean Cuisine pepperoni pizzas, Chick-fil-a, and Sunday night dinners with my family for most of my single life.  However, my microwaving and drive-thru skills have yet to impress my husband.  It's hard to cook for just one person, but it would have helped my first year of marriage if I'd had at least a little experience.

2.  How to practice hospitality

I tend toward introversion, but I married the most personable, friendly, and social man you will ever meet.  Jay loves to host his friends, neighbors, and colleagues.  I've learned that hospitality is a skill that requires some preparation and work, but is always worth it.  I wish I'd practiced hospitality more when I was single - even just hosting girlfriends for coffee and dessert. It would have been a great practice for helping my husband in this way now.

3.  God's design for marriage

Reading more about God's design for the husband and wife in marriage would have been a great blessing now as I'm learning (and will continue to learn!).   Lindsay has posted about The Excellent Wife by Martha Peace, and we have said in conversation many times, "I wish I had known this before I was married!!"   We prepare for four years or more in waiting to begin a career - how much more should we prepare for marriage while we wait?  

  

What one scripture did you cling to?

I clung to a lot of verses about God's goodness!  Here are a few:

• No good thing does He withhold from those who walk uprightly.  Psalm 84:11
• You are good and do good.  Psalm 119:68
• And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose...to be conformed to the image of His Son...  Romans 8:28-29

  

The Lord used these verses, among others, to convince me of His goodness in the midst of my waiting.  Any bitterness or fear or loneliness that crept into my heart was quickly rebuked with the truth of God's character - and His good intentions towards me. 

How did God use your single time to change you?

If I start counting at 22 - because honestly, my dream was to be married right out of college - God gave me seven years of waiting.  I hope that from His perspective, I was refined.  During that time I learned about contentment in the Lord alone.  I also learned to be vulnerable before the Lord in prayer.  Sadly, I don't remember asking the Lord for a husband until I was 27.   It was almost as if I was afraid to ask Him - in case He said no.   I finally had the realization that asking God for something as good and godly as marriage (after all, marriage was His idea!), was not wrong.   In fact, it was probably sinful for me NOT to acknowledge Him in my desire for marriage.  Once I began intentionally petitioning the Lord for a husband, there was a sense of security that guarded my heart.  No longer was my heart gripped with fear  when thoughts of being single flooded my mind;  instead, by God's grace, I could meditate on the truth that God will give me what is good, according to His glory.  

What other encouragement or resources would you give to single women desiring marriage?

I read a few books that were immensely helpful in shaping my thoughts about both singleness and marriage.  The following titles are pretty funny (the kind you might rather purchase on Amazon than buy at the bookstore, ha).  BUT the biblical wisdom presented is really helpful.  I highly recommend them both.

1.  Did I Kiss Marriage Goodbye?:  Trusting God with a Hope Deferred by Carolyn McCulley

2.  Get Married: What Women Can Do to Help It Happen by Candice Watters