Apologies and Insecurities

I was watching something on Food Network the other day and they were talking about menu ideas for dinner parties one of which involved families.  It made me smile to hear someone call it a dinner party.  That sounds so formal.  We had some new friends over for dinner on Friday night.  Our dinner wasn’t formal, but it was a party when you had four kids 4 and under at the table!

I love entertaining and having people over, but I especially love having guests with small children.  You don’t have to apologize when the food is cold by the time you get it to the table because you had to make a bottle, take a little boy to the bathroom, and then change a diaper at the exact moment it was time to put the food on the table. They understand and no apology is necessary when you have to stop mid-sentence in your dinner conversation because you need to tell a little one for the 10th time that they must wait until everyone is finished before they may leave the table.  They don’t mind if your dinner music is the loud laughter of kids having a great time.  They get it.  They go through the same thing every night in their homes.  Somehow over the kiddie chatter and behavior corrections, you still manage to have good conversation and enjoy yourself. No apologies are necessary.

We enjoyed getting to know new friends and watching our kids run and laugh.  No apologies were necessary, so why did I say “I’m sorry” a million times?  From our crazy menu combination due to the diet we are on to our hodge podge of outside toys, I found myself in a constant repeat of apologies all night.  It wasn’t until the night was over, that I thought about how much my insecurities had come out and how I often I worry too much about what others think instead of just letting go and being who I am.  It’s okay that our dinner was a crazy combination and I didn’t pull out my fancy trays ... no need to apologize.  It’s okay that our outside toys are a little random, faded, and half of them don’t work. It’s okay that my couch is propped up in the middle by books because I don’t want to replace it right now with two boys (they didn’t even notice until I pointed it out!).  It is all okay ... no apologies are necessary.

As women, it is so hard not to constantly be in the comparison game and just feel like whatever you do isn’t good enough.  At least it is for me.  I find myself comparing my home, clothes, body, and kids.  The list could go on and on.  I enjoyed myself last night and I am glad to have made a new friend, but I could have enjoyed myself a whole lot more if I could have just let go of my insecurity of feeling like something I had done wasn’t right or good enough. I don't have to be a perfect housekeeper or the perfect decorator.  I don't have to be perfect at all.  God just wants me to continue in my pursuit to be a wife and a mother that brings glory to His Name.  I just need to be perfectly pursuing that goal. I am praying that God will strip away those insecurities.  All those comparisons and apologies are really just the sin of pride in disguise.